No surprises, indeed.
Should have thought of that before.
Actually, thought of that before, but kept my eyes shut.
You could at least give me a sign, send me a message, in any way, tell me you’re still alive.
From now on, it’s the only thing important to me, knowing you’re alive.
Tell me you went back with her, tell me everything is over, tell me you don’t need me anymore, tell me she’s bothering you, tell me I’m the only one, tell me lies, tell me the truth, tell me something, anything… The biggest lie is staying away from me. Give me a sign. Then, go away, if you really want to.
(Or maybe that is what you just did last Christmas ?)
Loneliness is killing me, in a very particular way.
I’m used to be alone for hours, I’m very independent, I don’t appreciate it when unwanted people disturb my personnal space. But my independence has limits: I can’t be alone all the time, I need a presence. I need someone to talk to, but not just a roomie or a classmate. I don’t need to talk about my classes or my colleagues, I don’t want to talk about my last frustrating situation, I don’t care about that television show everybody watches except me, and I don’t want other’s pity. I only need a shoulder I could rest on, and a brain who could understand me, which is not that rare, but yet hard to “find”. Actually, I’ve already found. But I have the bad feeling everything is dead. I feel like I should forget about this whole story once for all and turn the page.
But how surprising, I don’t feel like I’ll be able to turn this darn page. Not now, not even in two weeks or two months.
I think I need to hear the words from his mouth: “forget about me”.
Then I would wish to die.
Not physically. But I would wish to disappear completely, to stop existing, just for one second. Or just as long as it takes to reset my brain. As long as it takes to erase all the data. As long as it takes to start over again.
Love is a killing thing, and happy people don’t realize this until they’re placed in front of the evidence they’re living in.
But man, I’d like to live and die for the same person.
The best reason to stay alive is also the best reason to die.
Take me away…